British Fashion - is that a belt or a dress?

I am tempted to quote an old Shania Twain classic: "That don't impress me much". Now, do not get me wrong. This post is not about British designers, they actually do impress me, over and over again. I love Stella, McQueen (may he rest in peace) and the whole lot. I really do. No, this post is about how British people really dress, and in particular, the British girls - the young English roses.

As a Norwegian who for most of my youth was living in a pretty small city, situated between forests and farms, the fashion options was somewhat scarce. Later, living in Oslo, I experienced the "big city" aura, and found a broader shopping arena. Most girls in Norway dresses pretty nice (but believe me, there are exeptions). However, if you dress badly in Norway, or boring even, you actually have an excuse - the options are indeed limited, and the Jante law (you are not supposed to believe you are better, or anything different than anybody else) has a pretty firm grip on society, whether we acknowledge it or not.

But the British girls on the other hand, they have no excuse. They are surrounded with high street stores like Topshop and New Look, which all do a pretty good job copying the catwalk looks (often before the looks has even reached the designer stores). In addition, fashion comes cheaply (something I don't necessarily endorse), and I hate myself for saying this - even Primark sometimes can make something look rather decent ( again, I will never, ever shop there - it is a matter of sticking to my beliefs). So I hope I have made my case clear : The British girls has no excuse if they dress badly, they are surrounded with fashion, and it is indeed affordable. So how come so many of them look like they do not have a mirror(or abest friend to say "no-no") at home?

In my opinion it is a courtesy towards the people around you to try to look nice.

So does the British girls lack respect towards others? If you have never been to the UK, you probably do not know what I am talking about. And if you do live in the UK (and you are British), you are probably a bit offended by now. However, it is not my intention to offend (many of you look very nice), but I do intend to explain how some of the British girls have created a bad fashion reputation, making innocent stylish British girls suffer (or follow due to bad taste - as stated in an earlier post - bad taste is rather sticky and contagious).

For me what young girls in the UK wears and their fashion sense, can be placed in three main categories:

1. Amy Winehouse look-alikes (I never thought she could be a role model until I moved to the UK, but surprisingly she is). These girls wear way too much eye make up, their clothes are dark and often a bit shredded. They tend to be either a bit too fat or too skinny, but they never dress to their shape. Above all, they love high hair and false eyelashes. Their killer heels are sky high, and that often lead to very bad bruises after a night out. Bambi on ice.

2. Jordan wannabes( also known as Katie Price followers). Their dresses look more like big belts than actual dresses, they just LOVE to show off their panties. Every weekend they run off to the beauty saloon and get a refill of Fake-Bake and extensions, and then they run off happily to the club with their orange skin, showing off everything nature has given them, and drink themselves silly drunk while singing girl power classics.

3. Kate Moss/Agyness Deyn overachievers. They are too cool to be cool. These girls probably have the best taste, but they just don't know when to stop. They have chosen classy role models, but they pursue their look in a very unclassy way. They stack up on everything that is fashionable at the moment, they mix and match things that should never be mixed and matched- just because they can't choose which style to pursue. They want it all, and they end up looking like cheap wannabe's, and indeed, they love the belt/dress as well. All those mentioned above do actually. (Worth noticing: the real Kate and Agyness rocks though - FFL-Fashionista For Life).

Let me explain the belt/dress. It is those dresses that make you think "Is it a belt or a dress?Belt?Dress?Belt?Dress?I reeeaaaally can't decide...". They are often seen on supermodels, and lately the style has caught on like a bad flu (some few lucky chicks pull it off with style, and their dignity intact). But I have never been anywhere where the phenomenon has been as widespread as in the UK. The girls wear them in stormy weather, in snow, and in sunshine. They wear them regardless of weight, skintone and blemishes. Needless to say, sometimes it looks rather awful and trashy ( two words : stuffed turkey).

I have a very fabolous French friend who describe the style of the British as:

"They do not understand the art of suggestion".

What do my French friend mean? Well, while French girls is known for being (mostly) classy, the British girls really like to flaunt it. They don't let their clothes suggest whats underneath, they let the lack of clothes show what's underneath instead. Not always a good choice, and if you ask the British boys (nice young chaps), they will answer that showing it all off, makes you rather uninteresting and boring.

I could probably say a lot more about the clothing worn by a lot of British girls, and perhaps someday I will as well. However,my goal is not to trash a nations style. My goal is rather to guide you away from pitfalls that are pretty easy to avoid if you know about them.

So, here is my list of the top 10 things to avoid, if you do not want to fall into one of my three categories of british girls:

#1 If you are not sure if you are wearing a dress or a belt, it is always a belt. Always.

#2 If your heels are too high to walk in sober, you will not become any better at walking in them after a bottle of wine.

# 3 There is such a thing as too much animal print. Enough said.

# 4 If you wear a short dress, wear hotpants and forget about the g-string ( it is out of fashion anyway).

# 5 If you can't button up the top button in your trousers, they are probably too small, or you should stop eating chips all the time. (Chips is not a vegetable, and will never, ever be healthy, even though the british seems to think it is).

#6 If your lashes are too heavy to open your eyes, you have probably exaggerated on the lash extensions.

# 7 If your hair make you look like Barbie, that's how you are going to get treated as well.

# 8 Fake bake(the english term for spray tan) usually make you look like a citrus fruit. Never do it the same night as you are going out, and some should never do it at all.

# 9 If your boobs is almost falling out of the dress when you are home, they will definitely be falling out when you are hopping around in the club. Wear something else and give the dress to charity.

# 10 And for Christ sake, loose those UGG's during summer. No way it is comfortable in + 30 degrees celsius, and stylewise , it is so 2000&late...